Friday, February 03, 2012

The 3rd Night....

B1's going away to visit friends in NYC this weekend. He'll be gone for two nights. I'm trying to not be sad about this, but I am. Don't get me wrong, I am happy he gets to hang out with his friends and I'm happy he'll be having fun. And I'm not jealous that he'll be having fun without me-I'll be having my own fun here in Boston...it's just that I'll miss him. I miss him already, and he's still just up the street at home. Since moving in together almost 2 years ago, we've only been apart for 2 nights. And those were not 2 consecutive nights. So this is something I'm not used to.

I couldn't sleep very well last night, knowing that he'd be gone tonight and tomorrow night. I don't sleep well when he's not home. When he's working late, I'll go upstairs to bed but won't really be sleeping until I know he's downstairs. It's weird, I know, considering that I lived alone for so many years before I even knew he existed.

But he makes me feel safe. I don't ever feel scared that someone is going to hurt me while I am sleeping when he is there. Do I truthfully think someone will hurt me while he is gone? No. But that fear comes back.

I don't have insomnia much anymore. Do you remember that I used to be up for hours and hours not being able to sleep, even when I should be dropping easily? In culinary school I was dead tired, but couldn't fall asleep until 3 or 4am...now, I can go to bed at 10pm and sleep until the morning. Even when I lived in my last apartment (pre-B1) I used to battle with insomnia. In fact, the reason B1 and I met was because I couldn't sleep the night before so I called in sick and hung out with my friend. (Because I still couldn't sleep!)

So...it seems like B1 has cured me of insomnia and I rest well because I'm safe and I feel safe. So it makes sense that I get anxious when he's gone. Right? Plus, I just really like cuddling up to him in bed, hearing him breathing beside me-even having him hog the bed (which he denies, but it's true!). And also, I just love him. And will miss seeing him when I get home tonight.

That's normal, right?

So what am I doing to keep myself busy, you ask? (You didn't. I know. But I feel like some of you would comment that I should keep myself busy.) Tonight my friend and I are going to dinner and then having drinks before we make our way to an open studio party (?) showing (?)...a group of studios are open for free once a month and we're going. (There!) I've always wanted to go ever since moving to Boston so we're going to check it out. It's in a very cool part of the city (the south end) and I'm happy that I'll be out instead of sitting at home.

Tomorrow night I am hosting a small dinner party...as you know. I thought I had decided what I am going to make, but have switched my thinking once more and so, I'm still on the hunt for a main dish. I do know that I'm making fried artichokes with Gorgonzola dipping sauce and wild mushroom crostini for appetizers. And for dessert I'm making this cake which is a dome and is filled with sweet cream, almonds and hazelnuts. I really feel like making pasta, but I feel like it's not unique-like people eat it all of the time when they go out. Also, it's not really a challenge for me, and I always love to push myself when it comes to cooking. Perhaps tomorrow isn't about that though. Perhaps tomorrow will just be dedicated to making good food for people I love and sitting back and relaxing. Knowing that the next day will be dedicated to B1 being home and watching some football...

6 comments:

Ivanhoe said...

You explained it to yourself and us perfectly. That makes sense to me that all the insomnia is gone and that you feel safe with him. So of course you will be a little anxious for the two nights. Sleepover? I wish I lived closer. Especially with all the great cooking & baking you are doing :)

LceeL said...

Goodness. When you get bit by the Love Bug, you REALLY get bit, don't you? I am SO happy for you. I am so glad he makes you feel safe.

Mags said...

Oh, I wish you lived closer! We'd have so much fun. :)

Lou: Yes. I do get bitten hard. I think that's why it is so hard for me to come back from bad things.

katherine. said...

eh...what's a little bit of lost sleep in the name of true love?

I think its sweet.

You've got all kinds of plans to fill your time...B1 is a super lucky boy.

Palm Springs Savant said...

I love Gorgonzola anything. yummy yummy

Travis Cody said...

I get it. I don't sleep very well when Pam isn't here. Mostly that's because I can't shut my brain off from wondering what she's doing.