B1's going away to visit friends in NYC this weekend. He'll be gone for two nights. I'm trying to not be sad about this, but I am. Don't get me wrong, I am happy he gets to hang out with his friends and I'm happy he'll be having fun. And I'm not jealous that he'll be having fun without me-I'll be having my own fun here in Boston...it's just that I'll miss him. I miss him already, and he's still just up the street at home. Since moving in together almost 2 years ago, we've only been apart for 2 nights. And those were not 2 consecutive nights. So this is something I'm not used to.
I couldn't sleep very well last night, knowing that he'd be gone tonight and tomorrow night. I don't sleep well when he's not home. When he's working late, I'll go upstairs to bed but won't really be sleeping until I know he's downstairs. It's weird, I know, considering that I lived alone for so many years before I even knew he existed.
But he makes me feel safe. I don't ever feel scared that someone is going to hurt me while I am sleeping when he is there. Do I truthfully think someone will hurt me while he is gone? No. But that fear comes back.
I don't have insomnia much anymore. Do you remember that I used to be up for hours and hours not being able to sleep, even when I should be dropping easily? In culinary school I was dead tired, but couldn't fall asleep until 3 or 4am...now, I can go to bed at 10pm and sleep until the morning. Even when I lived in my last apartment (pre-B1) I used to battle with insomnia. In fact, the reason B1 and I met was because I couldn't sleep the night before so I called in sick and hung out with my friend. (Because I still couldn't sleep!)
So...it seems like B1 has cured me of insomnia and I rest well because I'm safe and I feel safe. So it makes sense that I get anxious when he's gone. Right? Plus, I just really like cuddling up to him in bed, hearing him breathing beside me-even having him hog the bed (which he denies, but it's true!). And also, I just love him. And will miss seeing him when I get home tonight.
That's normal, right?
So what am I doing to keep myself busy, you ask? (You didn't. I know. But I feel like some of you would comment that I should keep myself busy.) Tonight my friend and I are going to dinner and then having drinks before we make our way to an open studio party (?) showing (?)...a group of studios are open for free once a month and we're going. (There!) I've always wanted to go ever since moving to Boston so we're going to check it out. It's in a very cool part of the city (the south end) and I'm happy that I'll be out instead of sitting at home.
Tomorrow night I am hosting a small dinner party...as you know. I thought I had decided what I am going to make, but have switched my thinking once more and so, I'm still on the hunt for a main dish. I do know that I'm making fried artichokes with Gorgonzola dipping sauce and wild mushroom crostini for appetizers. And for dessert I'm making this cake which is a dome and is filled with sweet cream, almonds and hazelnuts. I really feel like making pasta, but I feel like it's not unique-like people eat it all of the time when they go out. Also, it's not really a challenge for me, and I always love to push myself when it comes to cooking. Perhaps tomorrow isn't about that though. Perhaps tomorrow will just be dedicated to making good food for people I love and sitting back and relaxing. Knowing that the next day will be dedicated to B1 being home and watching some football...